I guess it starts

So, today we had big plans. We were excited about heading to my 2nd cousin's house about an hour away for the annual "Sunday after Christmas" family reunion that we always attend. Gardner was a peach. He even went down for a late morning nap, and so he woke up refreshed and ready to ride.

Once we got there, everything changed. He wanted to play in the fireplace (which is a Colonial-style open hearth with a fire going at the time). He wanted to climb the two wooden staircases unattended. He wanted to run in the backyard, but only if we'd let him play with the barbed wire fence that lined the property. The only things he would eat without throwing were crackers and sweet potatoes.

Needless to say, I was devastated. In all honesty, this was the first time I have ever been embarrassed in public because of my child's behavior. It is partly understandable that he'd have a short fuse due to his molar that's coming in right now....but it quickly became apparent that the main thing that was upsetting him was the fact that we weren't letting him do whatever he wanted to do. Toddlerhood has officially begun.

The afternoon ended up with us scooping up our stuff, carrying a crying child in arm, and leaving without even being able to hug or say goodbye to my relatives. I cried most of the drive home.

I think I remember this from hearing other moms talk. There comes a day when you suddenly wonder, "Where on earth did my sweet baby boy go?" Babies will grow up, and independence will fight to spread its wings mercilessly. You are left wondering what you did wrong....even if you didn't do a thing wrong, in all likelihood.... It is a stage that's inevitable, and we as parents who strive to raise our children in a Godly fashion are forced to come up with a plan....and quick....on how to cease this in its tracks.

This is when true love really gets put into motion. It is easy to love that cooing infant who adores everything about you and who sleeps 20 hours a day. As they grow, they suddenly develop personalities, feet to kick with, and tears to persuade with. I still love Gardner incredibly...nothing he could ever do can change that. Patience becomes key here, though, and I know that things will have to be firm for a while on my part. I love him enough to show him the importance of obedience, and that is one hard lesson to learn (for a kid), and yes, a hard lesson to teach, too (for an emotional parent).

As soon as he got home, he was fine. In fact, he was quiet the whole way home. Maybe just removing him from the situation was the best thing we could have done, even though it was unselfish on our part, something we really didn't want to have to do. He is bathed, PJ'ed, and is sitting serenely here beside me thumbing through board books. Hm.

I never thought I'd need reassurance that I'm going about this the right way....but I do. Parenting has its own clever way of making you feel incompetent, unknowledgeable, and uncertain. I think that's part of Satan's scheme, too, though...to beat us down until we are too tired to try anymore. I will not allow that to happen!

Dear God....
Please give me the strength to carry out Your plan for parenthood, even with emotions and unsolicited advice clouding our vision. Help me to love Gardner more and more, with a love straight from You....and help that to include loving him enough to discipline him. Above all, I want Gardner to become a man of God. Please honor my desire and guide our steps. Amen.

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