I need a vacation
I am a complainer. I hate to admit that dirty little fact, but it's true. I am better at not complaining than I used to be, simply because I have a wonderful husband who's been faithfully praying for God to change this part of my life (I asked him to do this). Yet I still tend to highlight all of the bad stuff at the end of each day, and it makes for one heavy evening sometimes.
I really, really don't want to do that this evening. I am having a rough day, to say the least. My son woke up with yet another horrible head cold, the fourth or fifth since this year began. Since his colds last up to 2-1/2 weeks from runny nose to lingering cough, that means he has only had about a week of "well time" in between each one.
Gardner has entered a whining stage, if you happened to see my earlier post. This is exaggerated when he isn't feeling well. He weaves in and out of my legs as I try to cook breakfast, lunch, dinner, crying to be picked up. When I do hold him, sometimes he does submit and sweetly lays his head on my shoulder. Other times, however, he bucks and wiggles, so I put him back down. That results in a tantrum.
Mealtimes have become a battle. He is becoming a very finicky eater, and I am finding myself towering over him like a hawk to make sure he eats, instead of giving it to him and walking away (as our pediatrician said to do). Our pediatrician also said, however, to supplement his days with Carnation Instant Breakfast, since he seems to be falling off of the bottom of the weight curve for his age. Does this sound like opposite advice to anyone else but me?
I throw my hands up today, wondering what to do. I say outloud, "Oh, I need a vacation." One of those is coming, and very soon. Yet that won't solve these dilemmas. Escape isn't the key.
Forgive my pessimism today. I promise I will get over this, as I do everything else. It's just another day of me trying to see past the chaos, struggling to catch a glimpse of the future. I am afraid I'm doing it all wrong, breaking all of the rules of parenting, enabling my child to enter these "terrible twos" that I've been told don't have to be inevitable.
I'm not perfect. See? I've been told I seem to be.....I am NOT. I struggle just like every other mom, wondering whether I've got this thing figured out or not.
How's that for being transparent?
"Pay attention, GOD, to my prayer; bend down and listen to my cry for help." (Psalm 86:6, MSG)
I really, really don't want to do that this evening. I am having a rough day, to say the least. My son woke up with yet another horrible head cold, the fourth or fifth since this year began. Since his colds last up to 2-1/2 weeks from runny nose to lingering cough, that means he has only had about a week of "well time" in between each one.
Gardner has entered a whining stage, if you happened to see my earlier post. This is exaggerated when he isn't feeling well. He weaves in and out of my legs as I try to cook breakfast, lunch, dinner, crying to be picked up. When I do hold him, sometimes he does submit and sweetly lays his head on my shoulder. Other times, however, he bucks and wiggles, so I put him back down. That results in a tantrum.
Mealtimes have become a battle. He is becoming a very finicky eater, and I am finding myself towering over him like a hawk to make sure he eats, instead of giving it to him and walking away (as our pediatrician said to do). Our pediatrician also said, however, to supplement his days with Carnation Instant Breakfast, since he seems to be falling off of the bottom of the weight curve for his age. Does this sound like opposite advice to anyone else but me?
I throw my hands up today, wondering what to do. I say outloud, "Oh, I need a vacation." One of those is coming, and very soon. Yet that won't solve these dilemmas. Escape isn't the key.
Forgive my pessimism today. I promise I will get over this, as I do everything else. It's just another day of me trying to see past the chaos, struggling to catch a glimpse of the future. I am afraid I'm doing it all wrong, breaking all of the rules of parenting, enabling my child to enter these "terrible twos" that I've been told don't have to be inevitable.
I'm not perfect. See? I've been told I seem to be.....I am NOT. I struggle just like every other mom, wondering whether I've got this thing figured out or not.
How's that for being transparent?
"Pay attention, GOD, to my prayer; bend down and listen to my cry for help." (Psalm 86:6, MSG)
Comments
I don't know how I came across your blog, but probably through one of my S.C. friends. I grew up in Clemson, as my dad was the first pastor at Clemson Pres. So I'm often finding new blogs through friends still down in that area. All that to say, I've enjoyed your thoughts on life & motherhood the past couple days.
I just started checking in and loved the authenticity of this post. The more I talk to "new" moms, the more I realize we ALL have days like this. I JUST wrote about the same struggles (to one degree or another) on my blog. It's just nice to know we're not alone. And that it's not about us getting our act together, but realizing we don't have strength/patience/energy to do life, but Christ does.
Sometimes I do NOT feel ready for this mothering thing (we just had our first son last August), but realize that Christ doesn't call me to "be ready", but just to be needy of Him. And man, mothering has made me run to him more than anything else in my life! That's a good thing :0)
Just wanted you to know, I hear ya', and am a fellow needy daughter of Christ in this new journey of motherhood!
Take care,
Amy
I appreciate your honesty. Thanks for being so transparent. You are right - none of us have it figured out. How could we? And I am learning that my "performance as a mother" is not (and CANNOT) be wrapped up in my child's behavior....because then that puts them on a performance basis and that is no good.
The Lord is showing us all that He has equipped us with enough skills to be parents but enough lacking that we MUST depend on Him. It sure takes the pressure of me to know that it is not up to me to make sure my child "gets it". I just try to be as consistent and loving and full of grace during the rougher days...and pray that the Lord will intervene. Proud of you, Meg .
About the Carnation Instant Breakfast, I see your side on how it can seem like negative advice - but truth is, Gardner HAS to be getting calories. Bottom Line. That is for physical safety. This is a phase (I promise) but in the meantime, that is necessary for him. Just a thought...